You did WHAT in the brandy?!

Literally hundreds. I love to sing and I also love lyrics...words stick in my head and I can remember them very easily. Never worked for school, though ;]

How could I resist?

There once was a poet named ClockworkBee
Who wore glasses cuz she couldn't see.
She was fairly clever
And while the best poet ever
She sometimes liked to subvert rhythm, rhyme and the normal rules of poetry just to see what would happen- a bit like a secret agent looking at a big red button and going 'I wonder what happens if...'. Oh, she also had a sore knee.

Look, it's not technically bad poetry if you're being ironic! Call it a masterpiece of forced rhymes...;] That's the first thing I've written in ages... How weird.

Smoking. *wheezes*

Oh, and ignoring a journal for months and months... whoops. ;]

I can't tell which is earliest; all I know is that they all predate my sister being born, so I must have been less than two and a half. I clearly remember my bedroom, which was small and painted blue, with a sun and clouds painted on the ceiling...I had a single bed in the left corner, facing the door, and the window was on the right wall. (Seen from the point of view of someone standing opposite the door, at the back of the room). Beside the window, there was a bookshelf...and a toybox, I think. Anyway, some things I remember are; seeing a ghost in the doorway; running downstairs and eating Weetabix; trying to take a nap and being distracted by trying to listen to what my parents were saying downstairs; discovering that mixing blue and red paint makes purple (my dad told me...I'm sure this was before my sister was born but I have never been sure); and running up the hospital steps to see my baby sister the day she was born, which is later than the rest.

I have thousands of memories, however, from when I was two and a half onwards.

I just can't remember what happened ten minutes ago, or where I left my keys/phone/mp3 player/anything ;]

Recipe for brilliance; take three best friends, put them in a house together with a good film and a lot of alcohol.

Seriously a LOT of alcohol.

No, I mean A LOT of alcohol.

We had Special K and wine for dinner.

 
Underneath the cut you will find optimism and determination and a tinge of deepness and a sauce of epiphany coupled with side order of true happiness. All this is complimented by a dash of sappiness and just a hint of embarrassment at saying all this. A sprinkling of doubt and worry may mar the flavour slightly, but I try and I try to keep it light.

...yes, I'm weird. It's a silly little half-rant half-mission statement about my skin. (Yes, again). Contains various references to compulsive skin-picking, and borderline self-harm I suppose.

( melodramatic monologues are fun! )

I reckon Dawn French would be good. She's hilarious and come on, who doesn't want to see the Vicar of Dibley defeating Daleks while eating Mars Bars?

Also, the confusion afforded by the Doctor changing sex would be comic gold.

(Cliched entry is cliched, but bear with me ;] ). Ok, so this year I have only one resoution. Well, that's not quite true- I have two, but it's the first one that matters. The second is just 'have mroe sex' and I promise that every year...hah. Ok, the first resolution is something that means a lot to  and is very difficult for me and will look ridiculous and easy to anyone else. It is this;
( FALL OUT OF LOVE WITH MAKEUP AND BACK IN LOVE WITH MY FACE. More info under the cut. )

Very much in bed, Catholic upbringing be damned! (Though there's nothing like good old-fashioned Catholic guilt...that comes on Monday.)

(I think I'm tipsy).

Bad things first-

-eeeeeuuughhh *dies* My HEAD and my THROAT! My head's feeling a little better now but my throat is still raw. Oh, curse you, low immune system and awful weather! And also, curse you cigarettes, for a) ruining my lungs and making me so susceptible to sore throats and coughs and infections and b) for being soooo addictive and lovely and yet now...so painful. Ow. My cravings are acting up but having a fag in these circumstances is actual agony. I braved two and a half yesterday and fuck, ouch, my throat afterwards! had to do it or I'd die from nicotine cravings, though...(shush, it's more addictive than heroin, you know!)

-still need to do the present wrapping and undergo the yearly awkwardness of eating a cheese and brocolli bake while everyone else tucks into turkey...other than that I'm feeling pretty optimistic about this year's Christmas :]

Good things now!

-I found my mp4 player, which I thought was lost for good. Bit weird where it was, though- basically, a pool table in a local pub has been blocked for the past two weeks, and they took it apart for cleaning and, what do you know? It's there. I had my phone number on the back of it, so it was returned to me pretty easily. But all this would make so much more sense if I a) knew how to play pool and played it regularly, neither of which I do and b) I ever actually frequented that particular pub. I go to a different one. I guess it must have been stolen and the person who did it was a clumsy pool player or...something. I don't know. Bizarre world, this.

-It's nearly Christmas, for God's sake! And my association, nearly my birthday- the 4th of January. Lurvely. :] Tomorrow's Christmas Eve...

So I'm taking a day off, supposedly because of my cold, which is...sort of true. I do have a cold. Just not a really terrible one. What I'm actually spending my day doing is fussing around with my new satellite...thing. You know what I mean (or I hope you do, because I don't). But anyway, yes...I've been doing quite well. I mean...it's working, and I've figured out how to get all these satellite channels and all that without even looking in the manual! That's a family trait, by the way. I get it from daddy-dearest. We used to sit around broken pieces of technology, muttering, 'okay, now try the other button...oh, shit. quick, fix that before mum comes home from work!' with the manual sitting right beside us, and our pride not allowing us to go anywhere near it. Ah, good times.

But here's the bleeding problem- all I want to do right now is congratulate myself on my tech-savvy (alright, shut up, it's tech-savvy to me) by settling down with a cuppa and watching A Clockwork Orange on video. AHA. Problem. My telly is now stuck on satelite and I have no bloody clue how to switch it back onto ordinary telly so that my video player works! There should be some sort of 'source' button, I'm sure, but...there ain't. I've tried switching off the satellite box and I've tried hitting just about every button I can find, but...no.

Which is why I'm in quite a bad mood, and also why the satellite box has now been officially christened Oh You Stupid Twat.

Right, time to call my father and demand he drop everything and join me in my mission to mutter and swear at the blasted thing until it works. We'll curse it into submission if we have to.

Ah, father-daughter bonding, eh?

Almost all of my recent journal entries are writers block. I don't really tend to use this place...prefer running around communities and that, I don't tend to write much about my life.

Hm. So what's been happening? Not much, to be honest. I've had a friend over to stay for a few days and now the house stinks of her cigarettes, Kate Moss perfume and Herbal Essences (as opposed to what? My cigarettes, Body Shop perfumes and Dove shampoo...) and it's in an awful mess. Still, it was fun...we talked for ages, didn't sleep near as much as we should have (despite staying in bed most of the time) and basically acted terribly immature...lovely, lovely. 

I've been thinking about co-habitation. Not considering it, mind- can't think of anyone who could put up with me, can't think of anyone I could put up with. Oh, I've lived with people, of course, but I'm very easy to irritate. I mean, some of those people I thought I was in love with- I was in love with, even. And even in the midst of all the roses and hearts and things like that, I'd still be snapping 'close that door, turn off the bloody radio you know I hate opera, for God's sakes I'm allergic to aerosols so stop spraying that, no I am not going to quit the fags, what do you mean we're out of teabags?' and they'd still be saying, 'that's a disgusting habit, open a window, turn off that CD you know I hate string orchestras, do you have to spend so much time on the computer, we're out of teabags because you didn't pick up any yesterday, give back the cover, turn off the lights, have you thrown out that letter I left on the side?' What I'm trying to say is that no matter how in-love we were, we couldn't stop sniping at eachother and pointing out eachother's flaws, bad habits and shortcomings. And all that ended in tears. Does that happen with everybody? How do people bear it? Is company really worth all that? I mean...it was nice. It was lovely. For a time. But still...I'm wondering if it's me, or a combination of me and the people I've lived with in the past. I know I can be difficult to put up with, to say the very least.

Hah, it's like when I was a teenager- 'Is love really worth all that...saliva? Can we go out, just not snog very often?' Always trying to find ways out, me.

I'm infuriated by the idea that poetry is some sort of pale, pretty thing that is entirely irrelevant. Today's poetry is a miserable affair, to be honest, but God, I hope that some day there will be a return of poetry that *means* something to people.

I'm surprised I didn't go on a rant there...

Yes. Quite simply yes, they should always be separate. As a slightly-prone-to-agnostic-lapses born-again atheist, I do not want people telling me I can't do this and I can't do that because of a God I don't believe in. I am perfectly happy for people to practice their religion, and obviously their rights to practice and believe in what they want to believe shouldn't be compromised, but using a God that only part of the population believes in to set laws for the entirety of a country? That is just, quite simply, ridiculous.

The title and the cut say it all. Beware the angry pro-choicer...

( Click for a pro-choice rant... )

You're asking me? I could do a loooong list of what love is, or is supposed to be, but I'll sum it up like this; love is somebody who knows you, really KNOWS you, all your secrets and embarrassments and bad habits and the horrible side of your personality and somehow doesn't care, and love is not a subject on which I can speak with authority.

Heath Ledger's performance was absolutely stunning. He brought the Joker to life; every single thing was incredibly well-done, and it's awful to lose such a wonderful actor. I loved the film and he most definitely deserves a posthumous Oscar.

  I'd call a certain friend of mine, meaning to tell her how much I love her (and also, 'I TOLD you so, I TOLD you, I wasn't being hysterical for panicking on planes!')- but knowing my luck, she wouldn't answer, and my last words would be, "PICK UP THE PHONE FOR CHRISSAKES! ARRRGHHHH!!" ;]

Evening and night. I've always been a night person, and I'm just more awake when it's dark. A lot of people think I'm odd because I do things like work out or bake cookies or write letters and things at two in the morning. Of course, I have a lot of trouble getting up in the morning...oh, but that's another thing. If I can get up in the morning, I quite like it, the cold, half-deserted look of the streets...I like that. It's just hard to remember how much I like it when I'm coccooned in my nice warm duvet at half past one in the afternoon...

My favorite thing about being sick is being treated like a queen and fussed over...haha! I live on my own now, so it's a bit less fun, but it's an excuse to curl up consuming soup and tea in front of the TV with a hot water bottle. Lovely. Although it is horrible being ill, all those aches and pains :[